{"id":1397,"date":"2009-05-17T09:55:05","date_gmt":"2009-05-17T15:55:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sgtbrandi.com\/?p=1397"},"modified":"2009-08-24T16:21:38","modified_gmt":"2009-08-24T22:21:38","slug":"living-with-combat-trauma-an-essay-to-remember","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sgtbrandi.com\/?p=1397","title":{"rendered":"LIVING WITH COMBAT TRAUMA: An Essay to Remember…"},"content":{"rendered":"

Parallel Universe<\/strong>
\nAn essay on Overcoming Trauma<\/em><\/p>\n

By Alison Lighthall,\u00a0 RN, MS<\/address>\n
Combat Stress Specialist<\/address>\n

May 15, 2009<\/p>\n

Emotional trauma is a special kind of broken heartedness.\u00a0 It is a permanent condition that, on some rare and lucky occasions, may ease with time or go blessedly into dormancy, but never actually ends.\u00a0 It takes up permanent residency in you, sometimes making itself known in cruel ways and other times taking a quiet nap from which it can be quickly and easily aroused.<\/p>\n

Initially after the specific traumatic moment, your world is ruled by huge emotional energy,\u00a0 and your day is a series of wild emotional struggles, unseen by all but your most intimate circle.\u00a0 Over time-much time, if you’re doing it all on your own-you come into an entirely new way of living.\u00a0 Instead of returning to normal, as you have always been able to do in the past from life’s usual trials, you find yourself very much stuck in a universe that most others cannot see and do not understand, but one which inflicts a deep, throbbing ache.\u00a0 You slowly realize that the hole in your heart will not heal, that this sadness is your new normal.\u00a0 Whenever you confront such a thought, you quickly push it out of your mind because it is an intolerable thought-to live the rest of your life haunted by anguish.<\/p>\n

Somehow, inexplicably, the world around you continues.\u00a0 Time on the clock keeps passing, despite you being frozen back in that moment of excruciating pain when your world exploded.\u00a0 If you’re lucky, you learn more about what happened to you…you organize the events a little better… your frontal lobe reopens communication with your limbic system…and you become conscious once again.<\/p>\n

You slowly release your grip on the reality that was and you stop arguing with the Universe about what is.\u00a0 Eventually, you accept the chronic pain as a stubborn companion.\u00a0 And you resynchronize with the world’s clock.<\/p>\n

Smiling isn’t always forced anymore.\u00a0 You learn to ignore the ache and sorrow enough to actually forget about it sometimes.\u00a0 Then one day, a sound jumps out of you that, both familiar and forgotten, startles you:\u00a0 a mirthful laugh.\u00a0 You slowly, carefully pick up speed.\u00a0 A new home.\u00a0 A new pet.\u00a0 A new job.\u00a0 Some new friends.\u00a0 You decide to start living a little bit again.<\/p>\n

For a while, even this small amount of happiness is intoxicating and all consuming.\u00a0 Color has meaning to you again.\u00a0 A sense of purpose, for so long absent, is now palpable.\u00a0 You realize you’re not dead after all.<\/p>\n

The new life eventually becomes just life, a set of patterns that are comforting and familiar and no longer new.\u00a0 And it is at that point, when you think the mileage you’ve logged traveling from then to now has been enough to keep you away from that place forever, that the sorrow reawakens and the pain returns.<\/p>\n

At first you don’t buy into it as being true.\u00a0 But that slumbering, noxious companion is now up and around and in need of attention after such a long nap, so it parks itself in the middle of your no-longer-new life, waiting for you to acknowledge it.<\/p>\n

You look at it in astonishment for several weeks.\u00a0 But slowly the truth dawns on you:\u00a0 it’s not going anywhere.\u00a0 You’re going to have to make room for this thing, you’re going to have to name it.\u00a0 And after years of ignoring it, you may even have to talk to it.<\/p>\n

And then one day, you get it.\u00a0 You are both happy and sad.\u00a0 You are both here and there.\u00a0 These two universes exist within you at the same time.\u00a0 At the moment you are happy, there dwells deep within a profound sadness.\u00a0 And when you are lost in the pain of your traumatic sorrow, your other life-the good and happy life-still exists, waiting for you to re-engage in it.<\/p>\n

Finally, you reach a breaking point and you share your secret about your unwelcomed companion that lives invisibly in your space.<\/p>\n

Your own knowing and understanding are part of the process, maybe even part of the solution.\u00a0 But the only true antidote for surviving this duality is the authentic, enduring loving kindness of another human being, wishing nothing more than to climb inside your world with you to keep you company while you figure out what to do with your broken heart.\u00a0 Then, the pain and sorrow and loss and anguish and guilt and suffering become bearable and the clock begins to move forward again.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Parallel Universe An essay on Overcoming Trauma By Alison Lighthall,\u00a0 RN, MS Combat Stress Specialist May 15, 2009 Emotional trauma is a special kind of broken heartedness.\u00a0 It is a permanent condition that, on some rare and lucky occasions, may … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[162,144,145,69,64,65,143,28,119,99,76,61],"tags":[48,50,82,164,59,83,175,165,104,96,85],"class_list":["post-1397","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-combat-trauma","category-emotional-trauma","category-ia-veterans","category-innovate-adapt-and-overcome","category-military-sexual-trauma","category-overcoming-combat-traums","category-preventing-combat-suicide","category-ptsd","category-suicide-prevention","category-veterans-issues","category-vets","category-viet-nam-vet","tag-combat-stress","tag-combat-trauma","tag-combat-veteran","tag-military-sexual-trauma","tag-normal-life","tag-path-to-healing","tag-preventing-combat-suicide","tag-ptsd","tag-surviving-families","tag-veterans-needs","tag-warriors-mind"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sgtbrandi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1397","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sgtbrandi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sgtbrandi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sgtbrandi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sgtbrandi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1397"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/sgtbrandi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1397\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1619,"href":"http:\/\/sgtbrandi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1397\/revisions\/1619"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sgtbrandi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1397"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sgtbrandi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1397"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sgtbrandi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1397"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}