{"id":2080,"date":"2010-07-06T14:30:34","date_gmt":"2010-07-06T20:30:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sgtbrandi.com\/?page_id=2080"},"modified":"2015-11-14T12:08:39","modified_gmt":"2015-11-14T19:08:39","slug":"my-friend-the-beast","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/sgtbrandi.com\/?page_id=2080","title":{"rendered":"My Friend the Beast"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is the first chapter of my second book, The Warrior’s Guide To Worlds at War: The Dragon has Awakened<\/strong><\/em><\/a>.<\/p>\n

1-1\u00a0 My Friend the Beast<\/h2>\n

As the first warm rays of daybreak clear the surrounding mountains, your sleepless night has ended.\u00a0 Although no safer now than in the darkness, there\u2019s a sense of relief that comes from the bantering back and forth between soldiers in war.<\/p>\n

\u201cThese are my only \u2018true\u2019 friends, you think while deciding which of the MREs you\u2019ll have for breakfast.\u00a0 And, while tearing open the packet, \u201cI\u2019d die for these dumb shits\u2026 I feel closer to them than my own blood family.\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s been more than forty-five days since your last shower and a good meal, but a care package from home with baby wipes and bug spray made the last few weeks a lot better.<\/p>\n

\u201cBeing clean doesn\u2019t mean that much compared to being alive.\u201d<\/p>\n

As you think back to how many of your friends have been wounded and killed at this outpost.<\/p>\n

\u201cDamn! I\u2019ve only been here six months!\u00a0 Seems like six years\u201d.<\/p>\n

Today your squad\u2019s running point down the mountain and into the Korengal Valley (Valley of Death), a beautiful and yet dangerous region in the Kunar Province of Eastern Afghanistan.\u00a0 And as every other day you\u2019ve walked \u201coutside the wire\u201d you embrace the reality of what just might be wait\u2019in for you down that long, winding trail to the valley floor below.<\/p>\n

Your weapon is clean, you\u2019ve checked your ammo and the signal is given to \u201cMove Out!\u201d<\/p>\n

A short distance from the firebase you look back and a chill goes down your neck.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re Alone!\u201d you think, \u201cExcept for the squad up ahead and Sanchez back there, bringing up the column\u201d.<\/p>\n

Sanchez takes a quick look back too, turns and gives you a big shit-eatin grin, then yells \u201cFuck it Brother!\u201d\u00a0 He knows exactly what you\u2019re thinkin\u2019, because everybody\u2019s thinkin\u2019 the same damn thing. \u00a0You\u2019re not alone, you\u2019re surrounded by battle-hardened warriors!<\/p>\n

And you know that if in fact you do engage the enemy down there, this day may be the last day of blowin\u2019 out your knees under the weight of an eighty-plus pound pack.\u00a0 Bein\u2019 a Medic, you\u2019ve come to feel even closer to death in every firefight and even more responsible for every one of your \u201cTrue Friends\u201d than even the squad leader. \u201cHe kinda stands out up there.\u201d<\/p>\n

Johnson\u2019s a six foot three inch farmer\u2019s son from the Midwest, a sergeant E-5 and one tough son of a bitch. \u00a0He never complains and watches out for all the new guys.\u00a0 But after Hanson took a round in the head two days ago, old Sarge hasn\u2019t been quite the same.\u00a0 It\u2019s his job to be strong, to be an example, but tears rolled down his cheeks same as the rest of us when Hansen\u2019s body bag got zipped up and loaded on the chopper.<\/p>\n

The crazy thing about this war is, I feel more alive here than any time I can ever remember.\u00a0 My life has real meaning now, purpose, and even a sense of power. \u00a0I\u2019m livin on adrenaline and MREs, my senses heightened and my combat skills peaked.\u00a0 Damn if I haven\u2019t become the \u201cPredator\u201d, the executioner, truly walking through the Valley of Death.\u00a0 Hell, that old sayin about fearing no evil makes sense to me now.<\/p>\n

But how in hell do I explain this to the folks back home? Imagine a civilian think\u2019in that every day when he or she goes to work, they may not make it home for evening chow, or maybe come home in a body bag?<\/p>\n

Your thoughts stop!\u00a0 The squad just passed through a stand of pines and out onto the valley floor.<\/p>\n

Johnson calls out!\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWatch that tree line!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

So how then does a Warrior reach this state of \u201ccombat perfection,\u201d you ask?\u00a0 How does he or she become the greatest predator on earth, facing death day after day, living in filth and delighting in the kill?\u00a0 You know, a lean, mean, fighting machine.<\/p>\n

Well, my soon-to-be enlightened friends, to answer that, let\u2019s go back to the basics\u2026 as in basic \u201cBoot Camp.\u201d<\/p>\n

First off, I\u2019ve been asked many times, \u201dHow does a few months of boot camp change a person\u2019s life for the rest of their life?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Hey,\u00a0 this ain\u2019t rocket science here!\u00a0 It\u2019s real simple.<\/p>\n

In boot camp, we go through a perfect process of brainwashing.\u00a0 The shrinkers call this process \u201coperant conditioning.\u201d\u00a0 And since us Marines have an especially gnarly, dense mass of green substance behind our eyeballs, the process works exceedingly well.\u00a0 I\u2019ll explain.<\/p>\n

Just above the brain stem, entering at the base of the thick skull, there\u2019s a lump of cells called (egg-head speak) the Hypothalamus. \u00a0This is where a lot of the shit-bath experiences of war are stored for unsafe keeping.\u00a0 Connected to that is a little stink-beetle sized thing called the Amygdala (Marines: Not a movie).\u00a0 Fact is, if you turn this whole lower brain-housing-group upside down, it looks like a shriveled up scrotum with old Chester stickin\u2019 up.\u00a0 Wonder if it affects the little brain in men?\u00a0\u00a0 Well anyway, this region of the brain is where the D.I.\u00a0 (Meaning, Divine Intelligence) focuses on in conditioning his troops.<\/p>\n

Normal civilian-type humans have three reactions to a life-threatening situation.\u00a0 They either Flee (get the hell out of Dodge), they Freeze (like a rabbit wait\u2019in to check out) or they Fight\u00a0 (like a junkyard dog).\u00a0 I find it interesting that the dog is the mascot of lots of military units. \u00a0Coincidence? Don\u2019t think so.<\/p>\n

Anyway, by the time you get physically, mentally, and emotionally pounded on enough in boot camp, you only \u201creact\u201d one way, that being like a pit bull waiting for a dogfight.\u00a0 And all during this period of enlightenment, something called the \u201cPrimal Self\u201d (shrinker talk) is developed and brought to full maturity.\u00a0 But hell, let\u2019s say it like it is.\u00a0 The primal self is the uncivilized savage, the unmerciful, the Beast, the non-compassionate side of human nature.\u00a0 It\u2019s the side of all humans that most humans pretend they don\u2019t have.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh! Not me!\u201d they say.\u00a0 Yeah right\u2026 we all got it, folks, and we sure as hell ain\u2019t getting rid of our Beast\u2026 so deal with it.<\/p>\n

In boot camp, this Beast is fully developed but still in its cage.\u00a0 However, the door is unlocked, swung wide open\u2026 and there \u201cIt\u201d stands, waiting; waiting for its chance at freedom, to feel the rush of combat adrenaline; to feel the satisfaction of killing; and the emotions of guilt, loss, and revenge. \u00a0It\u2019s waiting for the blood lust to begin and all that gives it strength and control over its keeper.<\/p>\n

In your first firefight or when your life is mortally threatened, that Beast is \u201cOut!\u201d\u00a0 And once out, it will never go back into its cage again, ever.\u00a0 You can\u2019t put it back, and the more you try (try means fail) the more you fail while it rips your life apart.\u00a0 And unless controlled, it will in fact destroy not only your life, but also all the lives of everyone around you\u2026 while feeling the pleasure of it all.<\/p>\n

But let\u2019s give credit where credit\u2019s due.\u00a0 You need<\/span> the Beast in battle. \u00a0It keeps you and your friends alive, because \u201cIf we are going to survive War, we must become War.\u201d\u00a0 And our Beast is what reduces our enemy to less than human, to nothing more than an insect that we may step on while feeling a sense of satisfaction.\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s what turns our enemy into the slant, the gook, the hajji, the jibber, or the skinny of Mogadishu; that we may kill them without compassion, without hesitation.<\/p>\n

And by the way, hesitation means death to you and even more importantly, to your fellow Warriors.\u00a0 There is no<\/span> political protocol, no Geneva Convention or Rules of Engagement in combat.\u00a0 There is only kill or be killed and no time to judge the correctness of pulling the trigger.\u00a0 In fact, my old Sarge used to say, \u201cWhen in doubt, empty the magazine.\u00a0 At least you shit birds\u2019ll be alive to feel guilty later.\u201d\u00a0 These are the killing times of the Beast, and the Beast loves it, always wanting more.<\/p>\n

Ask any Combat Veteran (You probably ought to be a Combat Veteran to ask), \u201cDid you ever kill enough of those little enemy bastards?\u201d\u00a0 And faster than you can chamber a round, their twitchy green brain, will fire out \u201cHell no!\u201d\u00a0 Ya see?\u00a0 That\u2019s their Beast talkin\u2019 from the lizard brain, sayin\u2019, \u201cOh shit!\u201d\u00a0 If I can\u2019t<\/span> do it again, then at least I can feel<\/span> the emotions of thinkin\u2019 about it again!\u201d and, \u201cSo what do ya think, My Friend, how about just one more kill for old time sake?\u00a0 Please-o-please!!\u201d<\/p>\n

The Primal side of human nature scares the crap out of most so-called civilized people.\u00a0 And to most civilized people the Military \u201cis\u201d the Beast within our society, just like it is in our brain-housing-group.\u00a0 The Beast is the inseparable savage side of us, which has been \u201clocked\u201d into our brains since we made moonshine and drunkenly drew stick animals on the walls of caves. \u00a0And you wonder why the Military and Politicians don\u2019t see eye to eye?\u00a0 They aren\u2019t even in the same worlds, let alone thinkin\u2019 out of the same parts of the brain.<\/p>\n

Strange thing is, for a lot of judgmental, goody-two-shoes, the Beast is in them too, just waitin\u2019 for a chance to kill, to feel the adrenaline rush, to explode with primitive emotions.\u00a0 For these folks, the Primal Side just hasn\u2019t had the right opportunity to taste blood yet. \u00a0And given that right opportunity, all but the most advanced souls, the true Peace Makers of this often shit-bath world, are capable of killing. \u00a0I\u2019ve met a few of these beings, and that in itself is another book.\u00a0 Actually, book three.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo what do we do if the Beast won\u2019t go back in its cage?\u201d you ask timidly.<\/p>\n

Good question!\u00a0 But this again, ain\u2019t launchin\u2019 the Space Shuttle either.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What you do is \u201cMake Friends with It<\/span>!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh man! Now I know this Jar Head is wacked!\u201d you mutter tenderly.<\/p>\n

As Warriors or civilians, the very first thing we all \u201cmust do\u201d is to \u201cadmit\u201d we\u2019ve got a Beast.\u00a0 Doesn\u2019t seem too hard does it?\u00a0 Wrong!\u00a0 It\u2019s damn hard to admit you\u2019re carrying around a savage, bloodthirsty monster inside your head.<\/p>\n

You start to think of science fiction movies, body snatchers and other such stupid-like things.\u00a0 If it helps, just think of it like a brain tumor\u2026 if left untreated, it gets bigger and stronger until eventually, it kills you.<\/p>\n

In other words, you get use to the idea that you\u2019re actually \u201ctwo\u201d different people in the same body.\u00a0 That\u2019s what the whole Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde story was all about.\u00a0 Hell, even Walt Disney showed people the truth about the Primal Side in his cartoons, when he stuck an angel on one shoulder and a little devil on the other.\u00a0 You know, with that forked tail stickin\u2019 out of its ass?\u00a0 Old Walt knew the primitive side of human beings; he just made it seem funny.<\/p>\n

So then, you\u2019ve taken the first step:\u00a0 You\u2019ve accepted the \u201cfact\u201d that you have a Beast roaming around in your brain-housing-group, you have identified it, and acknowledged it as \u201cyours\u201d.\u00a0 Next thing is, you\u2019ve gotta make friends with it.<\/p>\n

I know, I know, it sounds even crazier, but bear with me, there\u2019s a good reason for all this.\u00a0 And to really head for the padded cell and the Thorazine Shuffle, I\u2019ll go one better\u2026 it helps to name it!<\/span><\/p>\n

Out here in New Mexico, my neighbors accuse me of bein\u2019 a redneck.\u00a0 Hell, I don\u2019t even know what that means, but I name everything.\u00a0 My truck (gun rack included) is called Miss Clare, my rifle is Raptor, the generator is Sparky and so on.\u00a0 Well, over the course of my sixty five jobs, on occasion, I\u2019ve worked in wild life parks and zoo-like places.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t know if any of you have ever been up close and personal with a Kodiak bear, but they scare the be-je-bees out of you\u2026 at least they did me.\u00a0 They are huge, powerful, can out swim you, run ya down, and eat your ass alive at their leisure.\u00a0 Well, since I like to name things, I figured I\u2019d call my Beast, Oso Grande, which means \u201cBig Bear\u201d in the Spanish lingo\u2026 seemed to fit.<\/p>\n

This whole process took about two weeks or so, and by the end of that time, Oso and I became good \u201cFriends.\u201d\u00a0 Fact is, after I thanked him for bringing me home alive from the battlefield, I realized it was Oso (the Primal Self) that did all the killing, that watched people burn alive in napalm strikes while laughin\u2019 and callin \u2019em \u201ccrispy critters.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019s the one who looked forward to the firefights, for that opiate, combat adrenaline.\u00a0 And no shit, adrenaline is addictive.<\/p>\n

The outstanding thing about all this is you can talk to your Beasty any time you\u2019d like, even in public.\u00a0 With all these fancy cell phones nowadays, I can\u2019t tell if these idiots in the supermarket are talkin to me, to themselves or the small, smiling face on a can of Chef Boy-are dinky-dow.\u00a0 So you\u2019re \u201cGood to Go!\u201d<\/p>\n

OK, so now here\u2019s the shrinker part of all this.\u00a0 By understanding the \u201cpermanent, hard-wired, programmed-in\u201d Primal Side of our human nature, I was able to \u201cTransfer\u201d all the \u201cGuilt\u201d I felt over to Oso, my Beast Friend.\u00a0\u00a0 And that<\/span> felt like a hundred pound pack off my shoulders.<\/p>\n

As time went on, I began to not only like Oso, I began to love him, and therefore developed more and more self-respect, more self-esteem.\u00a0 Ya see how it works?<\/p>\n

The Beast is PART<\/span> of you, so by likin\u2019 it, Hell, by lovin\u2019 it, you\u2019ll automatically love yourself.\u00a0 You still gotta get to the source<\/span><\/strong> of what\u2019s eatin\u2019 you alive from your experiences.\u00a0 You know, to get through it.\u00a0 But at least now you\u2019ve got some company when you\u2019re sittin\u2019 there scarin\u2019 the shit out of the trauma counselors at the VA or other such places.<\/p>\n

My Friend Oso is always \u201cwatching\u201d over me, he\u2019s always evaluating the threat level, always ready to kill again and feel the rush of combat adrenaline.\u00a0 So just because you\u2019ve come to like or even love your Beast, it doesn\u2019t mean you don\u2019t have to always be aware of him (or her) at all times.<\/p>\n

And by the way, some Troops call their Beast Osa (female), the Guardian, the Protector, the Tasmanian Devil, and even Lobo (the Wolf in Spanish), to name a few.\u00a0 But don\u2019t fret about comin\u2019 up with a name for your Beast, because it will pick its own name.\u00a0 Seems to me, \u201cthey<\/span>\u201d like to make things real personal based on your greatest fears.\u00a0 Wonder what I\u2019d have called it if I was afraid of chipmunks?<\/p>\n

So then, when someone flips you off on the freeway, the trick is to \u201cidentify\u201d where the emotions are coming from.\u00a0 Ask yourself,\u201d Is it the Angelic, higher-brain, civilized, loving side\u2026 or is it the hateful, murderous, adrenaline-seeking savage side?\u201d<\/p>\n

As an example, let\u2019s suppose you\u2019re cruisin\u2019 down the street in the right (curb) lane, and some shit-for-brains in the left lane speeds up, cuts you off, and turns into the very next parking lot exit\u2026 causin\u2019 you to spill that perfectly good cup of coffee and drop your newly lit cigarette in your lap.\u00a0 Chances are your Beast already pulled in after the idiot, has his K-Bar out, and is gonna make sure this maggot never wears sunglasses again\u2026 you know\u2026 like in take ears.<\/p>\n

Now do ya think that reaction is higher order, rational thinking, or coming from the monitor lizard part of your brain-housing-group?\u00a0 There are<\/span> a few more possibilities on this.<\/p>\n

That is, if you happen to be a male Marine and the offending driver happens to be a good lookin\u2019, pearly-white-toothed female.\u00a0 In that case, the Marine\u2019s little brain would automatically take over and he\u2019d become a dumb shit.\u00a0 Seen that happen many times.<\/p>\n

Figurin\u2019 out where the emotions are coming from takes a little practice, but in a short time you\u2019ll get the hang of it.\u00a0 It also helps to talk to a Combat Trauma Counselor if you get stuck a bit.<\/p>\n

One tool that works for me is counting to three out loud!!\u00a0 Ten is too damn long.\u00a0 Here, I\u2019ll give you an example of how to control your Beast when it\u2019s on the scent of fresh blood.<\/p>\n

I start by saying\u00a0 \u201cONE<\/span> you\u2019re dead meat, asshole!\u201d\u00a0 Then \u201cTWO<\/span> you\u2019re a worthless piece of dog shit!\u201d\u00a0 (Thinkin of a dog, might just spark some compassion?) and\u00a0 \u201cTHREE<\/span>, you ain\u2019t worth it, scum-bag\u2026 you get to live today\u201d.\u00a0 Merry Fuckin\u2019 Christmas!<\/p>\n

Now that approach may sound like advice from the local psycho-ward, but shrinkers call this a mental stop<\/span><\/strong>.\u00a0 You\u2019ve given yourself time to think and not react.<\/p>\n

It only takes two or three seconds to tighten the choker on your drooling, fury friend, and it\u2019ll keep you<\/span> from some big, tattooed body-builder introducing you as, \u201cHay! Wanna meet my new Bitch?\u201d in federal prison.\u00a0 You can make up whatever colorful words you\u2019d like\u2026 just wait those three seconds.<\/p>\n

And like any good animal keeper, you have to feed your Beast.\u00a0 How\u2019s that done?\u00a0 Well, here\u2019s what works for me.<\/p>\n

I still self-medicate (shrinker talk for drinkin\u2019 booze) with alcohol in small quantities\u2026 two or three beers or a couple of glasses of wine a day.\u00a0 But on occasion, Oso gets a little restless.\u00a0 When that happens, I have an extra glass of red nectar and pop in a nice soothing war movie.<\/p>\n

The last Rambo series works real well, when old John J. is flushing the toilet of humanity\u2026 you know, those deserving maggots who qualified for extinction by lead poisoning\u2026 the twenty millimeter machine gun at the end of the movie?\u00a0\u00a0 Hell, by that time, me and Oso are even a little teary-eyed, watchin\u2019 old battle-scarred Rambo walking down the road in Bowie Arizona, to his father\u2019s ranch house.<\/p>\n

The point is that by the time that movie is over, Oso is purring, and so am I.\u00a0 Next morning I feel great, and Oso\u2019s back on his leash.\u00a0 Then I can go on a supply run to town without thoughts of setting clamors in the isles on my extraction from the supermarket.<\/p>\n

For a little heads-up here, be advised that when you first hysterically gaze into the eyes of your Beast and it looks back at you, the bond<\/span> is realized.\u00a0 You can\u2019t hide from it anymore\u2026 you can\u2019t escape it.\u00a0 It is You<\/span> and you are It<\/span>!\u00a0 So enjoy the new relationship.\u00a0 Look at it like a honeymoon with an alien Predator\u2026 like in the movie?<\/p>\n

I can tell ya from experience, that doin\u2019 this is damn right scary as hell. \u00a0Because there you are, face to face with a genetically, hard-wired-in monster that you\u2019ve gotta control, or it will definitely kill your young ass.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s sort\u2019a like you ditty-boppin\u2019 down a forest trail, and an eight foot tall Kodiak bear stands up on his hind legs (while you\u2019re thinkin\u2019 \u201cI just shit my shorts!\u201d) walks over, places his massive, smelly paws on your tremblin\u2019 shoulders\u2026 and then while drooling down your chest, looks into your eyes and says, \u201cHello my old friend!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Do ya get the picture?<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Through the process of trial and error (for Marines, mostly error) I\u2019ve learned to control the large, furry friend that all us humans walk around chained to.\u00a0 And it\u2019s always ready and anxious to fight with some else\u2019s Beast.\u00a0 You know, to feel a little rage, a little hit of combat adrenaline, maybe even a little sip of that tasty blood.<\/p>\n

Next time you\u2019re in the supermarket, look around and imagine that every shopper in that store is walkin\u2019 side-by-side with an eight foot Kodiak bear, and all the bears are ready to fight.\u00a0 It\u2019d be damn right ugly to bump into one of \u2019em with your shopping cart.<\/p>\n

Same thing when another Kodiak cuts you off on the road or flips you the middle claw!\u00a0 It ain\u2019t \u201cFlee\u201d or \u201cFreeze\u201d time\u2026 its Fight time.\u00a0 Think about it.<\/p>\n

You can say whatever you\u2019d like about the Beast and how to deal with it, but clinicians call this approach a \u201cTool<\/span><\/strong>\u201d to help us Combat Vets adapt to society.\u00a0 And for many of us Warriors, it simply works.<\/p>\n

As I said in the first book, a counselor once said to me, \u201cBrandi, you can kill anyone you want in your mind, just don\u2019t do it in the street.\u201d\u00a0 He was tellin\u2019 me not to let Oso off his leash.\u00a0 And by controlling the Savage Side of our Nature, most often we control the emotions that drive us back onto the battlefield.<\/p>\n

As hard as it is for most folks to understand, in many ways us Warriors may always feel more at home down range.\u00a0 I\u2019ll explain that as we move along here.\u00a0 But here in the civilian run world, we need to be the \u201cKeepers of the Beast<\/span>,\u201d in control and vigilant at all times.\u00a0 That is, to the potential we have of our Savage Side, our closest Friend.<\/p>\n

Now for the sake of you Marines, who might be slowly readin\u2019 this, let\u2019s do a review of steps to control your Beast.\u00a0 And this ain\u2019t no training film, so pay attention\u2026 no heads bobbin\u2019 out there.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Steps to controlling your Lizard Brain, the Primal Side of human nature:<\/strong> (that be you!)<\/p>\n